Doing the Next Right Thing
Continuing the Fight for What's Right
Topics: Body Positivity, Eating Disorders, Health At Every Size, Mental Health, Recovery
Content Warning: Mention of eating disorder behavior and self-harm
Doing the Next Right Thing
EDA Core Concepts Writing Meeting
Prompt
Doing the next right thing
https://odysee.com/@aiartworks360:2/chill:bf?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16
Lo-fi hip hop station
What is the next right thing? I got into behaviors yesterday, engaging the binging without purging aspect of my eating disorder. Although I didn’t demolish an entire bag of the offending item as I would have in the past, I was still upset with myself for allowing the behavior to override my common sense. I wasn’t even hungry, as I had just had dinner. I just wanted a bit of this particular food. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, the truth is, I was feeling lonely and wanted to do what I did back in junior high school on a Sunday night while watching the Disney movie of the week with my family. I wanted to immerse myself in a movie, eat snacks, and pretend that I had a friend there with me while trying to forget for a moment that tomorrow I would be returning to school to face merciless bullying.
My best course of action at this point would have been to understand why I engaged in this behavior, allow the understanding to take hold and help guide me in the future, and forgive myself for the slip. Instead, I became enraged with myself, which led to an episode of hitting myself and calling myself names when I entered my bedroom to return to my movie after filling my water bottles.
What was the crime requiring this punishment, you may wonder?
I forgot to transfer the laundry from the washer to the dryer before returning to my room.
I had become emotionally dysregulated and allowed this state to get the better of me. Rather than simply saying, “Whoops, better go put the laundry in the dryer if I want access to dry underwear,” I behaved as if someone had maliciously broken an irreplaceable heirloom given to me by a dead relative. I lashed out physically, striking myself across the face several times, and launched into a slew of self-directed insults.
The truth is this outburst had nothing to do with forgetting to transfer the laundry to the dryer. It had everything to do with the fact that I’m feeling vulnerable and, in many ways, hopeless.
The Pitfalls of Honesty and the Pratfalls of Perfection
EDA Writing Meeting
Prompt #1 EDA Big Book p. 200. “We are honest about our own stories and we empathize with the stories of others. When we do this, we find that our present as well as past experiences provide insights that help us connect with others”.
https://odysee.com/@aiartworks360:2/chill:bf?r=GTwnGJ4fFBQfzuJgpHVpfKBKaC9b8B16
My favorite lo-fi hip hop music.
I’ve always believed in being honest about my experiences and struggles, feeling that learning about my experiences could be helpful to others. However, when it comes to the professional aspect of writing and blogging, I’ve found that such honesty isn’t always well-received.
Here are a few of the arguments I encounter when writing about recovery, specifically from a health at every size perspective.
“Be honest--no, not THAT honest! You’re gonna bring people down with that Negative Nelly attitude.”
“Well, maybe it’s not nice to make fun of fat people, but, you know, if the shame pushes them to lose weight, it’s for their own good.”
“Ugh--don’t you know you’re PROMOTING OBEEEESITEEE when you say promoting health at every size rather than size normativity leads to better health outcomes for people of all sizes?”
These arguments translate to:
“It’s okay to feel a little bummed sometimes, but, like, talking about the stuff you’re talking about is bumming me out.”
Prompt #2. From Reflections on Recovery by EDAMembers, Dec.22, p.371. “Recovery is my life, not some prize I’ll win by working THE BEST EDA program . Sometimes It’s messy and imperfect. Embracing this and letting go of perfectionistic expectations reveals the progress I’ve already made, and frees me to continue building a resilient recovery”.
As a lifelong perfectionist, it’s easy for me to fall back into the old habit of holding myself to impossibly high standards. The thing that worries me is how fragile my hold on any belief in myself really is. It’s all too easy to tumble me from my lofty perch of proclaiming that it’s better for me to engage in health-promoting activities grounded in reality rather than unrealistic standards of beauty.
These unrealistic appearance standards were created by advertisers preying on women’s insecurities about our appearance. For far too long, girls have been raised with the goal of finding a man to take care of us rather than with the goal of developing skills that will allow for independence. If we are to entice an appealing protector, we must adhere to certain standards of beauty. These standards include having a body with a specific shape and size within very narrow perimeters of correctness and having a fresh-faced, youthful appearance and doe-eyed innocence regardless of our life experiences or chronological age.
I was a precocious child who learned to read at an early age. I was also a sensitive soul deeply aware that I often disappointed and frustrated my parents. I realized that my parents, particularly my father, had high standards for physical perfection, both for himself and for everyone else. He often showed me and my brother where his belt used to buckle when he was heavier and where he was now able to buckle his belt. He proudly proclaimed that he would never let himself be fat again.
I learned at a young age that fat was the worst thing a person can be.
I will spend the rest of my life working to counteract that lie and replace it with healing truths.
Soothing rain sounds
Ornery Owl Wishes You A Peaceful, Productive, Prosperous New Year
Resources
Eating Disorders Anonymous meetings
https://eatingdisordersanonymous.org/meetings/
Recovery Dharma Meetings
https://recoverydharma.org/meetings/
Health at Every Size